My stomach can do power flips at the mere thought of her as the potential trigger of my future horrible tantrums.

Cold December.

One of those days where I wasted my transport fare, got seated next to a rowdy group of hormone raging teenage boys in Swensens, tried digusting macaroons and watched racks after racks of pretty bedazzled things. I really hope my cousin would get married soon, they’re coming to 6 years and going!

I was on the way out for a run when mum told me to get bananas.  So I kept the money in the velcro-sealed pocket of the inside of my shorts, which made sister commented that people might think I’m a pervert when I want to get the money out. So mother suggestively shouted across the hallway for me to keep it inside my bra instead, reason being that “it won’t fall off”.  If I was born a boy, I’d smell every single dollar note given to me. You might never know if could be a second degree form of boobs smelling! HAHAHA. PERVERT!

I’ve been hopping around Sgp, searching for something which landed me into spending money on other useless things and too much food. Which reminds me of the phenomenal comments I’ve gained from others about how I’m turning anorexic and becoming skinny.  Of course they are all plain exaggerations and impossible to be true. I’ve been consuming too much food of late and I am nowhere near “anorexic” or “skinny”. What an insult.  So on one of those impulsive days, I went out with cousin around 3 huge malls and her boyfriend joined us after our ice cream fiesta. We got colourful macaroons which tasted like nothing insignificant because I am so sure there are better-tasting pastries of the same kind that does not come with exaggerated pricing. I expected more. We were washed out by the end of the day and the only thing I got my hands on was a strawberry pink set of towels from Esprit. I have no idea why I did that. The next day was a lost but  peaceful ride around the country and I got myself better things. Even stopped by Island Creamery!

Marshmellows with milo flavoured ice cream. Heaven!

Yesterday I attended a family class and realized I still have so much more to learn. My uncle reminded us all about a few important things which one must take time to consider deeply and he refreshed on subjects I am already familiar with. The underscore, however, was when he looked me in the eye and told me:

“If he is really serious about you, if  he really wants you, he will do all that for you…”

The art of testing a man. Heh.

When it all comes down to this, I’m not surprised really. I have always thought of myself as being invisibly layered with 7 strong sheets of defense. The first 3 inner layers were created by the very humans who watched me grow from age 0 to 19. Those layers are for my shelter and protection, no less. But I gradually built the other 4 myself for extreme safety when the world decides to hurl balls of danger towards me. Other girls will not understand why I have to be or was made to be so guarded. But then again, that is the reason why they don’t understand the unnecessary drama they always get themselves into.

I rather be safe, be good, boring maybe, but safe. That’s all I ever wanted. Naturally spoiled for defences but at least I know I’ve got people looking out for me, people from the best quality, my own flesh and blood. What have you got?

Towels, laces, ice cream, macaroons..have I mentioned ice cream?

Mcdees and yummy local food.

I’m going to bake some more muffins if time permits but they’re all for me to eat.  It will be an exciting December I hope and I’ll probably end 2009 with a bang. There’s going to be a number of family events, short regimes that leaves me in hot and musky outcomes (which feels good by the way), delusional sessions with books I’ve picked up for this break, a catch up with my cousin tomorrow plus some shopping here and there to satisfy my burning desire. There’s a lot more to fit my free schedule in. I can’t wait! FYP and school are both out out out.

Happy holidays!

He probably thinks I’m mean. But let me tell you this.  In life, or in a girl’s life, you have to analyze alotttt and read in between the lines. I hope you read this soon!

Sometimes I don’t know if I can trust you at all. Earn my trust, please.

My famous to do list.

1) I SO WANNA BAKE nutella cupcakes. Aini has given me a valuable recipe so I’m going to do it soon! Really.

2) Ok that’s all actually. Hahaha.

Well of course I have the whole deck of FYP baggage to clear. The report, the logbook, the online portal, the poster plus all the rehearsals needed to prepare for a very solid and polished presentation. I want to get G302 out from my entire system because it is the main source of my problems. And then I am going to go to spas and sip tea in fancy restaurants that comes with excessively high prices. Or maybe I’ll catch up with some real sleep.

But I have a little adventure to do on my own tomorrow. PLEASE GOD, SAVE ME IF I GET LOST. Thank you! It wasn’t scary when I got lost last week (I didn’t mention this to a single soul because I didn’t want people to laugh at me.) I know right, how much bigger can Singapore get? So yes. I am trying to be very independent here, with my naturally bad directions.  Henceforth, I ought to give myself some credit for braving through this erm phase, which I would like to call the ‘lost and found transition’.

Cheers to more of my lone adventures.  A little less of mummy’s girl and more of mummy’s reliable girl. Good job (or good try). *Pats self on the back*