I don’t think you know this but you are the most beautiful person to me. And above all, it is mostly you I need respect from because you have become too important. I still have so much more to say and it’s making my heart burst into a series of colourful explosion. But ppyongie, please know this. I want only you.

“This is gonna sound damn weird…. bt u know ….from lastime, when we in the same clazz, i had a feeling for you. i really liked u from when we were in the same clazz. haha, bt now its no more…. jus wanted to say at that point of time i found u really cutE, funny and unique. i liked u since till the starting of this Year.“

“Ure still the same polite sweet girl eh rash. hard to find girls like you. i just feel so sad about life. about this world. but i think theres some beauty in people like you. youre like the most mature girl ive ever talk to. in terms of mindset. seriously i am not kidding. the way you speak says that. you will lead a happy life in the future yes you will. you’ll get good pay, get a good husband and loving children.“

I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but you have no idea how hard it is to earn respect from boys. And I’ve realized that maybe my mean and rough edge character has gotten them to look at me as a person instead of just a girl. Just another objectified girl.

But seriously just how many girls are there really who can manage these (human) creatures to see through the basic qualities instead of their physical attributes only.  Such as how smooth your legs are, how long and fluffy your hair is or if you have honey thighs and nice ____.

Now see what I mean? Okay but the 1st confession in blue freaked me out a little.

Make me thrill as only you know how.

R: bitebitebite

F: everyone come and watch u all see who started first now

R: bitebitebitebitebite mm nyum nyum

F: trying to contain

R: YUM

F: trying to contain hardeeeeeerrr !!!!!

R: unff so yummyyy

F: in the brink of snapping myself

F: grabs ur hands and pull u to me!

R: i win

1) I don’t have long hair that almost reaches to my butt

2) I am not skinny

3) I don’t know how to smile sweetly and naturally at the same time

4) I don’t have a big group of friends to form nicknames and do girly things with all the time

5) My name is actually Rasyidah, I’m sorry if that disappoints you

but

1) My hair doesn’t swing and slap people in the face when I turn around

2) Fats make a good source of protection, I like protection

3) Ok I have no counter for this one, what a loser. Oh wait at least I think it is easy to find strangers smiling at me. HAHA WHO’S THE LOSER NOW. No it’s not cus I am weird, I have a face that says “please smile at me.”

4) A big group of family is better than having a big group of friends (I have trust issues remember) but the friends who understand what homesick means to me, they are the priceless ones

5) It’s a good name with a deep meaning that I simply cannot live up to but it’s a good name

and may I add that I know how to sing and rap to Korean songs . *Flips hair* Can she do that? No no don’t think so!

It’s crazy.

=O

Erps look what I found. An old, old conversation with a friend.

“and i thought to myself , any guy who wants to be close to u ,must be patient and understand or somehow just have the same thing u do… like guys can be very patient but they deserve more when its u. cause ur special man. a gem they are gg after.”

Heard this a few times and I’m still insecure but most importantly, I don’t know if she still thinks the same way of me. A gem.

I act hero.

Today I donated blood after school.  I then carried my 200 pounds bag from school to home under the hot sun. When the person advised me to rest first and fill my tummy in with some refreshments, I just nodded but didn’t obliged.

So when I got home, I felt the blood draining away from my face, my head became light headed, my stomach churning wildly and I could feel my throat getting all bitter because I WAS ABOUT TO THROW UP. Or faint. Either one.

Before anything of that happened I hurried my body to the couch and just sort of fainted there.  The second time I got up and walked around, the same thing happened. So I had to recline on the couch again and my mum had to feed me with a sugar cube.

Do you know how I feel now? Like a loser.

Protected: Hormonal.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

BITE BITE BITE.

Thank you for being patient with me throughout this weekend. Have fun with the new posting tomorrow. I’ll miss you! <3

Thank you, thank you.